I’ve always prided myself on being as transparent and true to myself on this page as I possibly can. Toward the end of last year, I went through a lot of trauma, and coming out the other side felt like a huge relief. But I’ve noticed a common misconception: that as soon as the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s, everything changes and begins anew. That’s just not true.
Our brains and bodies don’t have a factory reset button. You can’t just ‘start again’. We are all shaped, often unconsciously, by our experiences. For me, that means living with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I don’t know if I’ve ever shared that so openly here before, but for a long time, I suffered in silence.
Last year, I made the decision to start taking antidepressants for the first time. I had always resisted the idea, relying only on therapy, but I came to see it differently. Just like I’d take paracetamol for a headache, I recognised this as a biological imbalance that needed intervention. I kept it a secret because of the stigma, but not anymore. It has helped me tenfold with coping day-to-day and I find myself doing things now that I never dreamed I would – this post for example!
So here I am, laying my cards on the table. This is me. Am I cured? No. Do I still feel things? Absolutely. Winter is especially hard for me – some days, I can’t even leave the house. But instead of hiding this side of myself, I want to start sharing more in the hope of creating a connection and breaking down the stigma.
Owning a horse is a lot of work; navigating the toxic equestrian world is even harder. I want to be the change I wish to see in this space, and I invite you to join me. Whether that’s sharing your own journey, offering support, or just knowing you’re not alone, we’re stronger together.
With love,
Paige